Note: Thanks to all, for your for your feedback via comments, email, or twitter. I'm truly appreciative, and  I am considering all your thoughts. I respect even the differing ones. This is very much a journey for me that is not over yet. I fail more than I care to admit, at sharing the Gospel and taking every opportunity. The least I can do is share the experiences I've had, in hopes of encouraging others.

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There's so much I want to say. Please bear with me.

With the undeniable realization that I needed to be a bolder witness, came feelings of inadequacy.  Not the sort that bring feelings of failure necessarily, but rather the kind that motivate. Because of this and multiple other ways that God was leading in, my parents and I began praying more about me attending Shield of Faith Missions Int'l discipleship program. The decision became final as the Lord worked in providential ways for me to go. I moved to Oregon for 7 months. [obviously, nobody needs to go to this extent to be "qualified" to share the Gospel--this is just how the Lord led].

In the first couple of weeks of the training program, my classmates and I were to go door-to-door witnessing. My initial thoughts before we went the first time were that though it sounded awkward, it was something I had signed up for. So I would attempt it whole-heartedly. I wondered though, wouldn't people just lump us in with religious groups that were known for going door-to-door? We are so very different, yet here we are doing something the others are known for.

My prayer was that the Lord would impress on my heart, that He wanted me to do this. It being something the Holy Spirit must lead in, I didn't want to go along with it as merely as a "class requirement".

The first time we went, I was not expecting the feelings of dread that washed over me. It physically weighed me down. I puzzled over it and tossed thoughts back and forth in my mind, in between knocking and doors being shut in our faces.

I wracked my brain for verses to support what we were doing.When we finished that day, I was sick to my stomach. I was still confused about some things, but sure that "Thou shalt not go door-to-door" should have been the 11th commandment. Moses had fallen down on the job.

I went home that evening and begged God that if this was of Him, I needed to see it in His Word. I opened my Bible. I didn't open it to where I had been reading in my daily reading, and with no previous thought of scriptures that might apply to the situation, my hands opened to and my eyes rested on the passage where Jesus tells a couple of His disciples "Follow me. And I will make you fishers of men." Over the next week, I studied how the disciples followed Him.

 I also talked to my accountability partner (part of the program, but also a woman who was to become one of my dearest friends) and expressed my struggles. She nodded her head knowingly as I spilled, but then asked "What if you had baked some bread and offered it to every one of those people, instead of the Gospel?" She asked me if I would have felt like I was trespassing then. It finally hit home-- and shook me up a little over the next few days. The quality of my faith was being tested. If I truly believed those people were going to Hell if they didn't receive Christ, then what is a loaf of bread compared to CHRIST?!

The call was clear. The way was still blurry. I prayed for grace to obey. I went door to door several more times. It still  didn'tseem to be my personality. But it got "easier" each time. I read and read and read the Scriptures. God taught me about fear of man vs. fear of God. I learned about how prayer alters attitudes and perspectives. Not to mention circumstance and conversation.

 At first I simply did it out of obedience to the call. God taught me that it is enough to follow Him. and  that He will make me a fisher of men.

I wish I had time to type all the stories of people we met. We usually went out on a  bi-weekly basis (one day on the street downtown, another going door to door.) We didn't promote a church or denomination. We promoted Jesus. We had tracts that we offered to everyone. Our goal was to use them as a tool to initiate conversation and provoke thought, should we not be given a chance to speak. In the entire 6 months, we never had someone 'pray the prayer'. Because we didn't encourage it. Our goal was to turn their hearts toward a God and his Word Who could answer their questions and could save them from the road they were on and the devastation it leads to. We weren't looking for emotional decisions, we were looking to plant seeds, and yes harvest, but only if the fruit was ripe. Basically, this is what I say to people (many, of whom are Christians) who accuse us of "shoving Christianity down someone's throat".

 Because we were in an area where athiests and new-agers were more common than professing Christians, we often would start the conversation with "do you believe in God?".  Sometimes the curt reply was followed by the door being quickly shut in our faces. We heard some of the undoubtedly lamest excuses ever for being too busy to talk. (ok, yes we've all made them :)

And then there were those people who said "I was just thinking about this", or "my buddies and I were just having a discussion about God the other night" and incredible conversations would follow.  We experienced the work of the Holy Spirit when we said things and found scriptures, we didn't even know we knew. I remember one time in particular when, after we had stated our reason for being on their porch, their jaws  dropped.They had just been talking to each other about how God was drawing them, and they knew they had come to a fork in the road and must decide. The timing of God leading us to certain doors, left us in awe. Week after week we had assurance that God was in what we were doing.

 Please note. There is a wrong way to go door-to-door. It is not my goal in this post, to teach someone how-to. But just as we tell Athiests not to let a bad experience prove there is no God, so I ask you, if you've had a bad experience with door to door-ing, don't brush off the potential that remains.

I could go on. And on. But I shall close with this. Its very important and must be grasped for you to understand where I'm coming from. Going 'door to door' isn't the crux of the matter. Speaking the Gospel is.  I just figured the example of us trainees standing on street corners with huge Jesus signs would be  a little much. ;-) My point is, however its done, wherever its done, is mostly irrelevant to the topic that is really on my heart to share with you. Our actions do speak so think about this: You know your self, your weaknesses and failures. If your friends or acquaintances only see your actions, but never hear of your God, where do you think they are going to spend eternity? Though its something we daily strive for as Christians, I know my actions aren't enough to reflect the perfect Son of God.

If you talk about everything and everyone else you love, why not Jesus?

Post 1 of 2 - Learning to Share
Read: Matthew 10:16-33

My first exposure to door-to-door witnessing came at a young age. Two men, nicely dressed in white button up shirts and ties and bearing backpacks, knocking on our front door. For most, I won't even need to explain. You've probably seen them riding their bikes down a street near you. (Pardon the stereo-type)

I don't claim to know a whole lot about what Jehovah Witnesses believe, though more recently, I can at least claim to have talked to a couple of them for more than a couple hours which was obviously very revealing. But back then I didn't know much at all about what they believed except that they thought they could earn their salvation by telling others to go out and tell others to get saved. Or something like that.
[Edit: Mom says they were Mormons (LDS), I stand corrected. Thats what I get for stero-typing. Hehe. Their beliefs about salvation are similiar I think, but I guess its the Mormons who ride bikes typically. ;-) We've had Jehovah Witnesses come to our door a couple of times too.]

As my mom explained to the ones at our door that day, that we were Christians and that they happened to be knocking on a parsonage door-- I stood behind her, listening and wondering. I couldn't swallow the irony. We were the ones with the Good News. Who should be knocking on whose door?

Fast forward a couple of years, and you will find me just starting out in the working world and striving to find the balance of living in the world but not of it. I often fell under conviction, that though I was confident of the Lord's work in my life, I was not confident to speak of it or give Him glory in places I thought I might be ridiculed, or horror, in places I might be considered to be "weird"  if I did. I'm not saying [my taking a bold stand] never happened, but its an embarrassing amount compared to the opportunities I had, that I didn't take.

In the summer of 2008 I took a couple days off work and attended a Voice of the Martyrs Conference. I sat there listening to the testimonies of those Christians who had died for their faith, praying that the Lord would give me grace should there ever be a time I had to endure severe persecution for the name of Christ. By the last session I was in tears, overwhelmed by the clarity of the call I had been smothering. It was, simply, to speak the Gospel. At this point, I knew, that no matter what case others and myself could give, fear of man was the ultimate reason I had not been free to share what was so clearly put on my heart. If I wasn't brave enough to speak His name, how could I be bold enough to die for His name?

I prayed, oh how I prayed, that the fervency I felt wouldn't leave me as I returned to work and the normalcy of daily life. It weakened, but it didn't leave. I remember being more apt to offer to pray for my patients and more than willing to pull out the Gideon Bible from their nightstand and encourage them to read it. Baby steps, but the story isn't over.

I'll post the rest soon. I know this is an uncomfortable topic for some. Feel free to be a silent bystander as  I post, and others discuss. But this part of my story and what I came to realize, aren't  mere matters of opinion. God says, "Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven." Matthew 10:32&33 

I posed the question "Would you participate in Door-to-Door Evangelism?" to you all, and I'm here to share the results. Thank you, thank you for voting. I really was curious to get your feedback.

So without ado... The results.

You Maybes out there, I hope to brainwash ;)

You Absolutelys, how can I find you so we can go together? The same goes for you Yes and I haves.

You Nope thats for Jehovah Witnesses, join the party that I just left. :)

And for those Its not my personality peoples, you might be interested to know that this is the most common reply I get when I mention vocal evangelism to Christians.

You Others that emailed me or left a comment voiced some reasoning I've used myself.

Now, I wasn't trying to trip you up. There wasn't any right or wrong answer necessarily. I sincerely thank you for being honest. Buuuuut, I do have an opinion [surprise,surprise...ok, not really a surprise] and I plan to share with you what I would have voted, had I voted [For those of you who haven't already figured it out. heh].  So keep an eye out.

But seriously, those of you who are all for it, WHERE ARE YOU? Because I've done some looking, and I was beginning to wonder if we even exist. Kidding. Kinda. I've met a few. But very, very few and even fewer in my hometown.

Ok. Ready or not. More soon.

Regardless of the fact that I'm a few emails behind in life, I'm taking a short trip over the weekend. I'm happily leaving my computer behind, so you won't be seeing much of me.

Please vote in my poll in the sidebar. Feel free to expound in a comment below. When I say I'm curious, its because I can think of no stronger word that means the same thing. =)

Forewarning: New paragraph means new subject completely.

I'm sick of being sick. Everything but my ears is dripping. But today, I'm actually feeling SO much better than I have since Friday. So praise the Lord for that.

Thanks, thanks, THANKS for the feedback on the last post/poll. I actually haven't fully decided yet, but I'm leaning towards sticking with Face Value. It was almost 50/50 as far the poll went. Plus I got some thoughtful feedback through other avenues and your thoughts definitely played into swaying me one direction or another. If only all of life's quandaries where this insignificant . I don't know, maybe I should post a poll next time I'm wondering where to move next.

Back before I came up here for the training, I wasn't just busy packing. I was helping a friend who lives in Malawi, Africa (though at the time was with family for Christmas, in my neck of the woods). We were setting up a web site for the very reason that he is in Malawi right now. His boss, James Nyondo, a Christian man, is running for president of Malawi. He needed a campaign web site. Silly me was pretty eager to use her computer savvy for a bigger cause than her own, and wanted to learn more about the process of web building anyways. So I dived in. We dived in. Only to discover I knew nothing of what I was doing. Through time, sweat, desperate pleas for help--Thanks Kaysie, Josh, Tobin, cousin Jesse, and others!!!-- and many an answered prayer, it actually came together and it. was. fun! Why am I finally getting around to telling you this? Well it was launched this last week, and just thought I'd put a little plug here for www.jamesnyondo09.com in case you planned on voting in the Malawian elections this year, OR if you just wanted to check out the website and be in prayer for him and my friend. Please pray that God would have His will done concerning the campaign and that if its His will for Mr. Nyondo to go "all the way" that He would miraculously provide the funds needed. Pray also that whatever place in leadership Mr. Nyondo serves in, that he would never miss an opportunity to share the gospel and that God would give him boldness in that.

Did you know there is music at the bottom of this page? Yeppers. But you have to tell it to play, because if you're like me, sometimes those automatic players mess with what you're already listening to. Just thought I'd let you know that its there.

Ok, next post will be more update-ish than this one.

Good bye.

PS... Last night I was watching the movie"Out of Africa" while chatting with the friend who is "in Africa". What? why am I the only one who thinks this is funny? I was also chatting with a friend who is wanting to go to the very place in Africa that the movie was about, this summer. Ironic right? Well I thought it was interesting. ;-) If nothing else, I hope you realize how significant it was that I was chatting with two people and watching a movie.

Ok, new poll peeps. I want your input on whether or not I should change my blog name back to Every Thought Captive. I realize its not the most important thing on my my plate right now, to be fiddling with a blog layout and title....So rather than consume any more of my time thinking about it, I thought I might get your opinion on the matter. So if you could take the time to vote in the poll on the side bar I'd be most grateful.

This isn't mean to affect your voting as I truly want your honest opinion, but for me personally, I'm kinda missing the old title as it was more meaningful to me and helped me focus on a particular writing style-- one that was pleasing to the Lord in every way. So treat the poll as something fun, because I may end up changing it no matter the results :) I'm mostly just curious to see what you guys think.

Love,

Kaylene